Much of the time we feel isolated and alone in our traumatic experiences, we feel shame, terrified, lost, confused, unsafe, and misunderstood. We feel as if no one could possibly help, support, or understand us and our experiences or that people just don’t care. We feel shame for what we went through and how we feel. We aren’t able to see and/or trust that there is any compassion in the world, any kindness, or any connection — not even within ourselves. Nothing is sacred and everything is scary. It is scary to be in the world, it is scary to be us. And the truth is, finding that safe and sacred space to bring us safety, comfort, healing, and peace seems overwhelmingly unattainable.
It is interesting to me, that people in our world (family, friends, therapists, the media, etc.) feel they have the right to define what our traumas have been — “Was it a big “t” or little “t,” I’ve heard asked. “Oh, that’s not real trauma,” I’ve heard, adding fuel to the fire of the original trauma. The fact is, YOU are the only one who gets to define your experiences. YOU are the only one who knows what you felt and feel in the way of your traumatic experience and at any other time in your life. Only YOU.
For many years I fought with these judgments and criticisms — and quite a few came from myself. I would compare my traumas to others and lessen its value and impact to say, “Well, it could have been worse I suppose,” or “someone has it worse than me.” This was not helpful in the least but I was terrified to be exposed again. I was terrified for people to see me as broken and unfixable. I was terrified for people to see me at all. Even now, as I write this I am scared but I have seen and experienced the sacred pieces of mine and others’ traumas too, the pieces that no one can take away from you (even though it feels as if they were stolen), the pieces that can be nurtured and honored through the sacred actions of reclamation, empowerment, support, connection, love, and healing through Healing through Connecting Constellations (Family & Systemic Constellations). All of which occur within our own sacred beings and eventually again with others. To me, this makes our traumatic experiences sacred [and nothing to be ashamed of].