I have been processing so many things these last few days. Trying, like everyone else, to make sense of so many things: my roller coaster emotions, the best and worst of humanity that can come from a crisis, fear and survival instincts, a little scare from a loved one, friends that are experiencing the virus first hand in their families, the anxiety of the unknown, the lack of leadership from our national government and the actual leadership of some governors, and... .
I have many worries up for me. There is the worry of someone I know getting ill. The worry of bills and how they will be paid. The worry that my clients are ok. The worry that my parents won't stay inside. The worry of a really big healing gathering won't come to fruition months from now. The worry of people worrying and panicking. I feel it all. The enormity of it all....
And my worry turns to anger. Big anger. Anger for being whooped up by all the whooping happening in the world. Anger that people aren't listening. Anger that people are still being political and think we have to choose sides. Can't we just come together and stop all the blame?!
I'm angry that people are humanizing this virus to be some kind of enemy. I get it being a fight/resiliency thing but it doesn't have a brain. It isn't out to get us. It just is. And yes, it's terrible and scary because we can't see it but it doesn't have motive. It doesn't have a hidden agenda like so many humans do. It's not even "alive" until it finds a host. And I'm angry at the Universe/God/Goddess/whomever is in charge "up there."
Yet, part of me (a big part of me) understands that this is probably what had to happen to get us to slow down. To see how we've destroyed our planet. To see how we need a reboot. To see humanity again and where we are in it. To see what happened to our foundations of connection to each other, to Mother Nature, to ourselves, to Spirit/God/Goddess/etc. To see what we've done by choice. Yes choice.
We've chosen to be divided. We've chosen to, at times, stand by and do nothing. We've chosen to worship the almighty dollar over humanity, over people. We've chosen to overlook the homeless and those in need. We've chosen to be disconnected and yet long for it but not willing to admit it. Our devices and modern technology helped us to choose. Children don't know how to navigate relationships. Hell, a lot of grown ups don't know how to connect.
Where has our depth gone? Where has our compassion gone? Where has our honor and integrity gone? Where?
This virus has shown us all of it and more. And we still have choices. Will you choose compassion or apathy? Will you choose division or connection? Will you choose blame or responsibility? Will you choose fear or courage?
What will you choose?