My Story of Healing through Connecting
Healing through Connecting is not just a theory… it is a fact, it is proven, it is seen and felt by many. I lived for so many years without true connection - except for the connection I had with my maternal grandfather. I am still connected with him to this day, even after his passing several years ago. I didn’t learn how to connect, really connect with anyone, including myself, until I was in my late thirties and even then I was still leery. It wasn’t until Family and Systemic Constellations found its way into my life that I truly learned to connect.
True connection takes authenticity, genuineness, vulnerability, non-judgment, compassion, love and more. I could go on and on with this list. One of the reasons it took me so long to learn to truly connect? I was viscerally afraid that once connected they would leave. It was too much for me to lose so I just decided not to even try. I (thought) I was keeping myself safe and yet, I was missing out on so much. I don’t regret the years of disconnection, but I certainly learned from them.
The other thing disconnection does, is separate. We can see in our world today how much separation there is just because people have been indoctrinated or trained that “the other” is scary or wrong or bad. Often because of the color of their skin, their cultures are different, religions beliefs, or really… just being different than what you or society wants to believe is the “norm.”
Being different...
We all have choices, right? And our choices to live authentically and be in our Truth often makes us “different.” I’ve come to the realization that my own choice to be authentic, true to who I am at the core, takes an extreme amount of vulnerability, which in turn takes great courage. It is one of the reasons that I began my journey to write a book. Another reason is, where to begin? And yet another is, well people will SEE me. See me for who I am at my core. See me for the “different’ that I am. Criticize my “me-ness.”
We often hear, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Why don’t we see the hurt in others and connect? Lack of empathy? Lack of compassion? Fear? Self-centeredness?
In a few hours, I am going to facilitate a constellation workshop that is, in all ways, about connecting. During this workshop, we connect with each other, we connect with our ancestors, we connect with ourselves, and we connect with something greater, the collective and the highest and greatest good for all. We reconnect with family members in a safe and sacred way - they don’t even have to be present. We connect to the energies of all this, the sacred energies - good, bad, or indifferent. We connect to healing. We connect sometimes to let go, in a way. To heal. We connect to heal on many levels and... We connect to GROW LOVE.
Doing this work gives the gift of compassion and insight for what is. It allows one to lift the confusion, protection, judgment, and resentment. In doing so, we then see the big picture of one’s life. We get the ability to become compassionate of other’s challenges and issues. It allows us to go to deeper levels of healing.
In my private practice, I have been privileged to facilitate this connective work with clients. The healing experienced, the depth of awareness, and the realizations of all involved in the process have been powerful. This is my life's work.
True connection takes authenticity, genuineness, vulnerability, non-judgment, compassion, love and more. I could go on and on with this list. One of the reasons it took me so long to learn to truly connect? I was viscerally afraid that once connected they would leave. It was too much for me to lose so I just decided not to even try. I (thought) I was keeping myself safe and yet, I was missing out on so much. I don’t regret the years of disconnection, but I certainly learned from them.
The other thing disconnection does, is separate. We can see in our world today how much separation there is just because people have been indoctrinated or trained that “the other” is scary or wrong or bad. Often because of the color of their skin, their cultures are different, religions beliefs, or really… just being different than what you or society wants to believe is the “norm.”
Being different...
We all have choices, right? And our choices to live authentically and be in our Truth often makes us “different.” I’ve come to the realization that my own choice to be authentic, true to who I am at the core, takes an extreme amount of vulnerability, which in turn takes great courage. It is one of the reasons that I began my journey to write a book. Another reason is, where to begin? And yet another is, well people will SEE me. See me for who I am at my core. See me for the “different’ that I am. Criticize my “me-ness.”
We often hear, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Why don’t we see the hurt in others and connect? Lack of empathy? Lack of compassion? Fear? Self-centeredness?
In a few hours, I am going to facilitate a constellation workshop that is, in all ways, about connecting. During this workshop, we connect with each other, we connect with our ancestors, we connect with ourselves, and we connect with something greater, the collective and the highest and greatest good for all. We reconnect with family members in a safe and sacred way - they don’t even have to be present. We connect to the energies of all this, the sacred energies - good, bad, or indifferent. We connect to healing. We connect sometimes to let go, in a way. To heal. We connect to heal on many levels and... We connect to GROW LOVE.
Doing this work gives the gift of compassion and insight for what is. It allows one to lift the confusion, protection, judgment, and resentment. In doing so, we then see the big picture of one’s life. We get the ability to become compassionate of other’s challenges and issues. It allows us to go to deeper levels of healing.
In my private practice, I have been privileged to facilitate this connective work with clients. The healing experienced, the depth of awareness, and the realizations of all involved in the process have been powerful. This is my life's work.
How Connecting Helped Me
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When I was 18 months old, my five-week-old brother Jeff died of sudden infant death syndrome. Loss occurred very early in my life and I did not realize the immense impact it had on me until 2008 when I was required to write a paper about the formation of my identity. Jeff had been in the back of my mind for most of my life. This little person who I only knew for a short time so long ago seemed to have left the largest mark on my family and on my identity. A part of me knew an important connection had been broken and that someone important to me was missing, someone very close to my heart.
With the loss of Jeff came the loss of my parents’ ability to open their hearts again as the pain was so vast and profound. The two people I knew love from had emotionally disappeared. This seemed to ignite my fear that loving and feeling loved only meant that person would eventually leave; thus, I developed a need for protection against such pain. Family Constellations (FC) and psychedelic immersion were the only forms of therapy that broke through that door of protection. It was a key to getting through the misperceptions I developed over the years in order to survive what I thought was the fear of loss, which essentially made me afraid of the power of love. Jeff was not talked about very much after his death and there was only one photograph of him. The pain and grief in our family was palpable. I felt it throughout my childhood and beyond... When Jeff’s name was spoken throughout my life, I could feel the pain in the heart of my parents and the thought of ‘tread lightly’ sprang through my head. I thought for a long time that if I mentioned him it would awaken that pain, so I kept my questions to myself. Jeff was definitely excluded from our conversations and early in my healing journey I was unable to see the power of his exclusion and the impact of this dynamic on my worries and fears. I was very afraid of the emotions attached to the loss of my brother and worried if I acknowledged and embraced him, I would experience the pain and anguish of losing him all over again. The path illuminated by Family Constellations showed me how a very large loss early in my life fueled my fear of love and my reticence to deeply connect with others. With heightened awareness and FC, I began to lift the veil and shed light on the scared little girl, the unsure-quiet-do-as-I-am-told teenager, and the hidden adult. This is only one of many examples of how connecting and reconnecting, especially through Family & Systemic Constellations, has supporting my healing. This is why it is so important for me to share this work with the world and my purpose of helping others connect to themselves, others, and build community in a world that seems so separated. |
Connecting Lead to My Reinvention
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I was a collegiate scholarship athlete, an NCAA three-time All-American in softball, and a successful softball coach for 20 years. Playing and coaching sports was everything at the time. But when injuries and high school politics stopped me in my tracks, I had an identity crisis. If I wasn’t an athlete or a coach, who was I? I didn't coach for a few years and when I decided to step back into it, it wasn't what it used to be for me. I was more interested in the young women's personal challenges - it did affect their performances - and how to best support them. So, I decided we would meet weekly and talk about their lives and how things were going. I noticed right away that this was something they longed for... connecting, support, and a listening ear. My teams grew closer and performed better.
The young women looked forward to what they called “group therapy,” when we would all sit in a circle and discuss their personal challenges. How could they play their best when they were struggling internally and interpersonally? I knew they couldn’t, and knew their wounds needed tending. But I also knew I had to be responsible if I was tending the psyches of young women, so I went back to school to study psychology, earning my master’s degree at the age of 40. I then shifted my focus from athletic coaching to a private practice supporting individuals and groups in their own journeys of healing, growth, and transformation. Feeling called to hone my craft even more, while continuing to advance my own healing, I once again went back to school. I earned my doctorate in Humanistic and Clinical Psychology at the age of 45 as well as being certified as a Family and Systemic Constellation Facilitator and Psychedelic Integration Specialist. This work saved my quality of life and supported me so much in my healing that I did my dissertation research on it: Clients' Experiences with Family Constellations in Psychological Healing - a downloadable file can be found on the Credentials & Specialties page. As I've transformed myself (and continue to do so), and supported both of my kids in becoming adults, I am able to focus my energies on creating safe, sacred, loving and compassionate space for others to connect and begin to heal. My journey and experiences have strengthened and grown my spirituality as well as my relationships and it is an honor and a privilege to offer opportunities for you do so too. I'm looking forward to connecting with you soon! |